parenting

Another kind of ‘half’

by dimsumdebutante on May 13, 2013

My daughters are half. Half me and half their dad. Half sleep-in, half get up early. Half coffee, half tea. Half chaos, half calm.

Half jumbled-up European ancestry, half Chinese.

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We throw this word, half, around. I don’t identify with any particular ethnic background other than burns easily, ages poorly, plain ol white. However, when I hear or see something about China or Chinese culture I’m always quick to point out to my kids, “You’re half Chinese!!” Or “Yeh Yeh and Paw Paw were born in China!”
I never really considered explaining what I meant.
Recently we were with my mom and the topic came up. She asked The Nut what made her half Chinese.
After just a moment’s hesitation The Nut replied, “It’s the bottom half, I think.”

A hilariously lovely answer from a wholely beautiful girl.

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It’s all about the exposure, right?

by dimsumdebutante on May 6, 2013

The Nut has taken lots of classes. We started with music at five months (for me WAY more than for her), and since she’s taken art, swim, soccer, tumbling, ballet, and gymnastics.

I recently signed her up for tee ball. I was a bit nostalgic about it since I have positive memories about my own experiences playing as a kid. She knows a couple of kids on the team. She’s the only girl, though I don’t really think she’s noticed.

It just doesn’t seem to be her thing. She doesn’t like the downtime. Standing around while waiting to bat or hanging out in the field really tests her patience. She has been adamant that it’s “no fun at all.”

I’m not letting her quit. I won’t force her to participate when this session is over, but for now I think she needs to learn to stick things out. She’s catching on to the basics of baseball and she’s gaining grace (or at least practicing) in the areas of listening to coaches and waiting her turn.

And she’s really stinkin’ cute out there.

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Putting on a good face

by dimsumdebutante on May 3, 2013

We live in an age of Facebook and Instagram. We post pictures of our lives as we live them. Or do we?

We all “like” the adorable photos of our friends’ children. We appreciate their accomplishments and their cute outfits. We’re jealous of date nights and lavish vacations.

But what aren’t we seeing? How often do your friends post pictures of snotty noses or temper tantrums? Fights with husbands and dirty dishes? These aren’t the images we share with the world and perhaps they’re not the images we want to see.

But get real. We’re all hiding shit. And if we know we’re not alone, it feels better.

So today I’m going to air my dirty laundry. Nothing scandalous. Just the day to day stuff that I’m not necessarily glorifying on my Facebook wall.

1. My 3.75 year old sleeps in my room. As in her bed is next to mine. And she has no interest in leaving. Right now it works.

2. My 3.75 year old still sleeps with a pacifier. In my room. The “Paci Fairy” came and FAILED nine months ago. Don’t tell our dentist.

3. I drink wine from a box. And you should, too. It’s better for the environment (less garbage, less fuel needed to transport) and it’s very cost effective. Plus it’s tasty. Go buy a Bota Box and tell me I’m wrong. If you don’t like it, I’ll take it. If you do like it, invite me over.

4. My baby takes baths a couple of times a week and gets pacis off the floor. ‘Nuf said.

5. I just put away my maternity jeans. Like, today. Six months postpartum. I finally accepted that going up a size isn’t going to kill me and I bought a new pair. Without elastic. Oy.

So next time I post a photo of one of my gorgeous daughters or some fancy meal I’m enjoying, take it with a grain of salt.

While this is what I’d usually choose to share:

This is what you’d be more likely to see if you popped by:

It's 6am. And we've been up for two hours.

I know I’m not alone. Even if you choose to do it anonymously, leave a comment sharing why you aren’t perfect, either. Come on. It feels good.

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The first three (or six) months

by dimsumdebutante on April 29, 2013

Last week my friend Sarah at The Stroller Ballet posted about surviving the first three months with two kids. Since our kids are about the same ages, I totally appreciated her advice.

If you don’t know Sarah, she is absolutely one of the most “put together” people I have ever met. Whether with toddler, pregnant, or now as mom of two, she never has a hair out of place and she wears real pants! With zippers! She’s also an all-around fabulous mom, wife, writer and friend.

After hearing throughout my pregnancy, “The first three months are the worst!” and “The first three months are okay but the next three will be hell!” but mostly, “”By six months you’ll find a rhythm and everything will get easier,” I realized upon reading this it was time to give myself a pat on the back. I made it!

Like Sarah, I felt that I barely survived my pregnancy. I could hardly imagine getting through the early months of raising two kids. And now we are almost halfway to a year as a family of four. I thought you might like to hear my top five tips as well.

1.Take pictures. The days are long but the years are short. Even the hardest days will have beautiful moments. Capture them. We all have smart phones attached to our thumbs. When you’re up at 2am nursing or walking the floors with a sleepless nugget, it may help to flip back through your photos and to see just how quickly these days are already passing and just how precious they have been.

2. Spend time with friends. It’s easy to fall into a “sleep when baby sleeps” mentality. Even if you’re not actually sleeping, laying around or hibernating may seem much more appealing than making plans. However, I promise the effects of a nice walk, coffee, or dinner with a girlfriend will last much longer than a catnap. We need that camaraderie that our husbands and children just can’t give us.

3. Wear make-up. I agree with Sarah on this one. While my entire routine takes about 30 seconds and I have no brand loyalty, I don’t even walk The Nut to preschool without primer, blush, and mascara. It makes me feel (and look, I hope) a little more human even after the most torturous of nights.

4. Accept, and occasionally beg,  for help. I have absolutely enlisted the troops. I had my mom here for the majority of the first nine weeks. I’ve asked my in-laws to step in plenty of times. I have a cleaning lady. I’ve had friends walk The Nut to school or bring her home for me. (Thank you, SO and HS!) When I’m reaching my breaking point, I tell B and I slip out or sleep in. While I’m usually the head honcho with the kids, I realize that it takes a village.

5. Amazon Prime. It seems I can hardly make it 48 hours without realizing there’s something we need. Diapers, a new pacifier, lotion, shoes for my preschooler’s ever-expanding feet. Amazon sells everything and they deliver to my door. Fast.

And, as Sarah suggested, drink wine.

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Sometimes it hurts so good

April 26, 2013

Yesterday I took my kids into the city. By myself. An old friend and her new baby were in town and I really wanted to see them. We had one stroller. One diaper bag. Bottles, wipes, plenty of snacks. Two extra outfits. Two trains each way. Two sets of stairs going down. A 3.5 year [...]

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Sleep is for Schmucks

April 24, 2013

I’m a mama to two girls. They were born 3 years and 3 months apart. Though they look quite similar, they are two different people. As mentioned here, they already have different eating habits. One thing they have in common? Sleep. More specifically, an aversion to it. The Nut didn’t really sleep stretches longer than three hours [...]

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Ordinary?

March 19, 2013

Recently my friend Sarah and I were talking about how quickly our babies are growing. She told me I should watch a video she had seen on facebook. “The Gift of an Ordinary Day.” Sounds harmless enough, right? The clip consists of photographs of a woman’s family as she reads along from her essay, noting [...]

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Dear Mom

March 17, 2013

Dear Mom, I was a cute little kid, so I hear. I was a total ass of a teenager, this I know. I spent the brunt of my twenties in disarray but you never gave up hope. You knew there was good stuff to come, even when I didn’t. At the age of 29 I became [...]

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The Bedroom Shuffle

September 10, 2012

The Nut is not a reliable sleeper and never has been. Blah blah blah… broken record. In preparation for Baby, I’ve been racking my brain regarding all things sleep in the very limited space of our NYC apartment. Where should she sleep? How do I help create a better sleeper? How do I limit disruptions [...]

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Is this considered abuse?

July 24, 2012

The Nut spent her first year nursing frequently and sleeping sporadically. She was insanely cute but exhausting. We tried most everything (including some very weakly applied sleep training and rejected bottles). We offered a pacifier periodically but she would never take it for more than a few seconds. Around twenty two months we were nearing [...]

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